Part 4- My hospital stay and finding strength in a new reality.
Finding Out
When I was told my kidneys were beyond saving — small, scarred, and failing without an obvious reason like infection — the only option left was a transplant. I can still remember the doctors breaking the news. At the time, I just thought “ok” and carried on like it was nothing. Looking back, people always said I seemed calm, “cool as a cucumber.” But really, I just didn’t know how else to cope except by going with the flow.
Staying Strong
I had tubes sticking out of me, hooked up to machines that were keeping me alive. My life had changed in the snap of a finger. I knew my parents were devastated, so I did my best to stay strong for them — no point in crying or complaining, it wasn’t going to change anything. Putting on a brave face helped them, even if inside I was confused and overwhelmed. Writing this blog now has been a kind of therapy, a way to finally process those feelings.
Moments of Anger
That’s not to say I didn’t have moments of anger. Some nights I’d lie there thinking, “Why me?” I’d lived a fairly healthy life, yet here I was facing something so serious. It felt deeply unfair.
Hospital Stay
During my time in hospital- the staff were incredible, and the people of my ward kind and supportive, which made the stay bearable despite constant blood tests, nightly observations, and the indignity of measuring every drop of urine in a pot. I was lucky to have a strong support system, with visitors nearly every day.
Going Home
After 5 or 6 days of dialysis, I was stable enough to go home — which felt like such a relief. My new routine became three dialysis sessions a week, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
New Restrictions
Life changed quickly. I had to limit fluids to just one litre a day, since my kidneys weren’t doing anything. Whatever I drank stayed in my body until dialysis removed it. My new medication regime felt endless: blood pressure tablets, Calcichew before every meal, folic acid, EPO injections for anaemia, and even a hepatitis B vaccine. I couldn’t shower properly because of my dialysis lines, which frustrated me more than I expected. I also found myself covering up the lines with clothes because I hated the idea of explaining my situation.
D-Date Nights
Dialysis itself became part of my life. My (now) husband and I turned sessions into “D-Date Nights” — we’d watch films and play games to make it bearable. Still, the reality was I spent hours stuck in a chair or bed, freezing cold because dialysis literally sucked the warmth from me. I’d pile on hoodies and blankets, sipping tea when the snack trolley came around. The staff were always brilliant, explaining everything clearly, and the ward was full of people of all ages sharing the same journey.
The Routine
Each session started with weighing in, working out how much fluid to remove, and the usual checks. Afterwards, the lines were flushed with a freezing, strange-tasting solution, and I’d weigh again before heading home. Oddly, one of the highlights was when they cleaned my line dressings — the iodine stick scratching my skin felt like bliss.
Ups and Downs
Not everything went smoothly. Once, they removed too much fluid, and I passed out. Thankfully, I managed to hit the call button just before it happened. Another time, we were watching the final episode of Merlin, completely invested in the ending, when the nurse came in to unhook me — right before the climax! My husband was annoyed, but I just laughed. It felt typical of dialysis life: you adjust, even when it interrupts everything.
Exhaustion
After sessions, I’d be utterly drained. Dialysis often finished around 10 p.m., so by the time we got home all I wanted was to collapse into bed and curl up in the warmth. That exhaustion became my new normal.
My New Reality
Going from being healthy to living a life scheduled around dialysis was overwhelming, exhausting, and draining. But it was my reality, and all I could do was accept it and keep moving forward.
Have you ever experienced something similar?
If you’ve been through dialysis, kidney failure, or any other life-changing health journey, I’d love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment and share your story — it might help someone else going through the same thing know they’re not alone.
